i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
