youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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