Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
