I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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