just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i drank out of a bidet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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