You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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