my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
