did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
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I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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