I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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