1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
