I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
