Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
