The best revenge is premature balding
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She even gives head with a lisp.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
