I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
