If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
