Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
