You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
