dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
