i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
