It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
