It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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