When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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