I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
