dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
