I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
