I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
