We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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