I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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