New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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