I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
