dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
