just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
