Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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