You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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