You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
