Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
