if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
no you cant smoke seaweed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
