he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
