You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
