He told me they were just razor bumps!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
