So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
