I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize