Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
