I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
