I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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