6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
