my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
