I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
