You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
