the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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