I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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