You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize