I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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