is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
