11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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