For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
