i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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