I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
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You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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