every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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