Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
