I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
