Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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