Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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