This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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