I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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