I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
