If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
