Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Umm I'm too high to move.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
