It's Friday. Sex?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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