I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
