hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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