Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
